Life, lived daily.

When I worked in the wasteland, my boss approached me one day after I had emailed her a draft of our library circulation policy.

“It seems a little harsh,” she said.

“Harsh? We have a no lending policy. I outline it and then state that we are happy to help people find music from other source. I thought is was very professional,” I said.

“Well, it’s not so much the policy, but how you say it.”

“?”

“Can you make it more friendly?”

“Umm, OK?”

So, I ended up making it look something like this.

OMG, guys! You are such totally great people and we would LOVE to lend you music, like, ALL the time! You know? That would be super awesome! But, like, you know, we can’t. Because they won’t let us. Boo! So, like, if you need something, call us up and we’ll help you find it somewhere else. Mkay? And maybe we can, like, get together and go to Starbucks after! That would be SO totally cool. So, like, seriously! Call me! Kaithxbai!

She loved it. This issue came up a few times, where I would have an official policy email that needed to go out and she would want me to sugar coat it and be all exclamation pointy. So, I put up a sticky note on my computer with the letters P.K.B. on it, meaning puppies, kittens and bunnies. Before I wrote any message, I would imagine a scene from Cute Overload and then start typing. It got a little ridiculous, but the boss ate it up. I couldn’t help but wonder if lawyers and judges had this problem. I can imagine what sentencing would be like.

So, like, OK, you’re, like, guilty and stuff, but you are still SO totally cool! If it weren’t for this whole first degree murder thing, we could totally hang out. But, like, you have to go to jail for a while. Well, like a life sentence, but that’s not that bad! We can like visit, and stuff! And you’ll meet lots of really awesome people in prison! Right? Like, not all of them will try to rape you! So let’s totally stay in touch!

It’s one of the things I hate about myself sometimes. I always have to be the nice one that everyone likes. It is exhausting. And that person? That everyone likes? She gets walked on! Make your policy sound too friendly, and people think that it is flexible, if they just harass you enough. Because, “Oh, she’s so nice! She’ll understand!” And starting off as Mrs. Nice Girl makes it harder to be Mrs. Hard Ass when you need to be, and sometimes you really need to be. I think it is better to start off the other way around. Be firm and then make exceptions as you see fit.

I guess it would be hard to change my image at this point in my career. I do believe you catch more flies with honey. But, honestly, there are times when I just want to let her rip. I’ll just have to keep my inner hard ass in check unless an emergency arises. But even then, I’ll probably feel the need to be nice.

Hi, 911? We have an emergency. But if you’re busy right now, I totally understand! Take your time! I really don’t mean to bother you. Whenever you can get here is fine! No, it’s not that bad. Really!

Sigh.